1. I will not write “2020-won” as the year on all of my checks and correspondences.
  2. I will not leave the holiday laser light projector on year-round just to mess with my cat.
  3. I will not blame Apple or its products for things that I can just as easily blame on Google or Oracle.
  4. I will not succumb to the constant pressure being placed upon me to make my much-anticipated, internet-breaking TikTok debut.
  5. I will not use “2020” as an adjective every time I want to describe something as sub-optimal or bad.
  6. I will not continue to allow my cat to make wardrobe decisions for me based solely on what people are wearing on The Masked Singer.
  7. I will not stop imagining that the society of jumping spider-crickets that live in my basement think of me not only as their god and overlord but also as their friend and confidant.
  8. I will not rest until Microsoft Bob gets a full remake as a 64-bit, cloud-enabled application for all of your modern computing needs.
  9. I will not respond to all the random sales calls I get by offering to extend their expired car warranty.
  10. I will not fall prey to the conspiracies that say they are injecting chips into us with the COVID-19 vaccine; I have known for years that they are using genetically-modified mosquitoes to do the chipping.

Written based on the Today’s Author Write Now! prompt on December 29, 2020, in which we are asked to creatively list ten things we will not do in the coming year.