Today was much like the past few days. No internet, no joy for Rob. I got up to write some more and finally got the rest of my Chinese Whisperings stuff completed!  Of course, without internet, I couldn’t get it to my editor.  The deadlines were coming and going fast, but there was nothing I could do about it.  As Douglas Adams said,

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

We came to learn that the reason the internet was down was that lines and satellite dishes were damaged in the storms the other night. At least that was their excuse. I thought about yelling and screaming at them, but I stopped.  First of all, these kids are just doing their summer jobs; they have no power to actually fix the internet problems and, right or wrong, the information they were being given was all they could regurgitate to me

Besides… I’m on vacation, damn it!  I’m relaxing!  I’m sure it’s obvious by now that when I’m relaxing, I don’t let anything bother me.  That’s obvious, right? 


Fine.  Don’t answer.  I don’t need you to validate or judge my relaxation abilities or my patented Strategic Technique for Relaxation, Enjoyment, Sun and Sanity method of relaxation (it’s called the STRESS method for short).  The STRESS method is known throughout the world and if people would just listen to what I tell them to do, it would be highly successful and profitable. 

Anyway, once we finished breakfast, we watched a lot of Harry Potter extras from the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone DVD.  Have I mentioned how much I despise the silly games and hoops some DVDs make you jump through to get to the extras?  I mean, come on – why do I have to tap the correct bricks in the correct order to get into Diagon Alley so that I can watch the deleted scenes? Didn’t I buy my way into Diagon Alley when I plopped down my wizard gold and bought the DVD?  Oh, and, the pompous jerk who’s voice is the narrator on the DVD and makes fun of me for tapping the wrong brick deserves to meet Voldemort in a dark alley on one of the Dark Lord’s bad days, perhaps after a night out on an evil wizarding bender or something.

While the kids watched the extras, I busied myself by catching not one, but two flies in my hand. You have to admit – that’s a good skill to have. 

Anyway, after what felt like an eternity of these extras, we headed down for our penultimate miniature golf extravaganza. Similar to the prior days, club swinging and chest thumping ensued.  Our scores were:








Front Nine






Back Nine












Anyone paying attention to these pretty tables of results will notice one important fact:  I’m not getting any better at this.

But who’s keeping track anyway?

Next we had lunch in the activity center.  Wow, what a horrible meal.  We had grilled cheese and fries with a soda. It cost me about as much as those famous hammers the military bought cost the US Government for this meal.  Perhaps I’m just a snooty consumer, spoiled by my use of whole grain breads and quality cheeses.  This sandwich was made on a cheap knock-off of Wonder Bread.  On the bright side, I *think* there was some kind of cheese on the bread, though it might have been nacho cheese sauce or perhaps spray cheese.

After lunch, we decided to go swimming, but to do so at the indoor pool.  I figured we’d be best served giving the pool chemicals another day to work on the puke from yesterday.  Plus all the drunks and little kids who were swallowing the pool water were helping to filter out whatever might have been left over.

Once up to the indoor pool area, we decided to go canoeing instead of swimming. Nick had resisted this option when we suggested it earlier in the week, but today we convinced him to give it a try.  If he didn’t like it, we wouldn’t make him do it again.

So, we got the canoe and put on the required life jackets (funny how motorcycle helmets don’t seem to be required here, but life jackets are).  All set, we pushed out into the lake and started paddling. Not long after we started, Nick informed us that he loved it.  I knew of knew that was going to happen.

Sadly, not long after Nick’s acknowledgement of pleasure with canoeing, the thunder clouds started rolling in.  So, we had to get back to shore and go inside. I thought the dude running things there was going to have a coronary as he jumped and waved and shouted for us to come in.  Dude! Relax!  We’re on vacation!

It became clear that my wife and kids weren’t going to follow my lead and pretend not to hear the dude, so we packed it in; canoeing was done.  Swimming was out due to the storm, too.  So we did what anyone on a lazy vacation would do – we went to the car and pulled out the New Jersey Nets basketball.  Nick and I played some one-on-one, a friendly game, of course, but I beat him again.  I may be old, fat and bitter, but I still got game, you.

Soaked from sweat and the rain that started coming down in buckets, we decided to go back to the villa and call it an early day. Once back in the villa, the TV came on and, after a while we watched the Narnia movie. Because Aslan, I mean the kids, wanted us to watch it.

The evening ended with “Heroes” once again.  Because it’s just cool.